Interesting. I much prefer the second half of the story. I'm not so struck on the whole fight thing. Description of Kahlo was excellent and intriguing and Cora looks like being a good character. I realise this is a personal preference but I'd have liked it better with a lot fewer adjectives.
New to Substack so not sure how to leave a comment, but I hope you will receive this.
Second--I am NOT a SciFi fan. Had I known this was SciFi, I would have passed by. 😉
Excellent job dropping us right into the action! I know fight scenes can be a bit tricky to craft, and you did an exceptional job of describing the action and what the protagonist was experiencing.
The scene building was well done, but a tad confusing at times and I had to re-read a bit. I had it in my head that Kahlo was a planet, but I realize now that it's a city and Cho is just a district. Why is this important to know? 🤔 Did I need to be told about the Cho District in the first chapter? There is a lot of scene setting and a bit of back story intertwined so a lot of information packed into this first chapter.
I'd back off a bit on the descriptives/adjectives and maybe a little less information-- like the bit about the Cho District, leave that for when the readers need to understand more about who the district is named for, maybe-?
You have a great voice, and I'm a suckered for 1st person POV, so even though this is SciFi, I would keep turning the page.
Interesting. I much prefer the second half of the story. I'm not so struck on the whole fight thing. Description of Kahlo was excellent and intriguing and Cora looks like being a good character. I realise this is a personal preference but I'd have liked it better with a lot fewer adjectives.
Thanks for this. I may be guilty of getting carried away.
Couple of housekeeping items first:
New to Substack so not sure how to leave a comment, but I hope you will receive this.
Second--I am NOT a SciFi fan. Had I known this was SciFi, I would have passed by. 😉
Excellent job dropping us right into the action! I know fight scenes can be a bit tricky to craft, and you did an exceptional job of describing the action and what the protagonist was experiencing.
The scene building was well done, but a tad confusing at times and I had to re-read a bit. I had it in my head that Kahlo was a planet, but I realize now that it's a city and Cho is just a district. Why is this important to know? 🤔 Did I need to be told about the Cho District in the first chapter? There is a lot of scene setting and a bit of back story intertwined so a lot of information packed into this first chapter.
I'd back off a bit on the descriptives/adjectives and maybe a little less information-- like the bit about the Cho District, leave that for when the readers need to understand more about who the district is named for, maybe-?
You have a great voice, and I'm a suckered for 1st person POV, so even though this is SciFi, I would keep turning the page.
👊
Hi Eva, I’m pretty new to substack too.
Thanks for your comment. Some very good points!
Every chapter I’m posting on substack is part of the first draft so feedback like this is really valuable to me.
I’m glad you didn’t pass by!